


It's Said that He Loves You

by BadonKaDank



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Fix-It of Sorts, Forgiveness, Gen, Hope, Humanity, Hurt/Comfort, Incorporates elements of original manga and the reboot anime, Internal Conflict, M/M, Memories from time loops, Pain, Post-Canon, Recovering Memories, References to Christianity, Religion, Tears, Time Loop, Yelling, also hugs, and then crying some more, just pain, lots of pronoun changes, personality dominance issues, talking it out, what can I say? Manga Ryo cries quite a bit and Akira cries even more than that, y'know cuz Satan be a hermaphrodite and Ryo be not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 07:45:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13566012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadonKaDank/pseuds/BadonKaDank
Summary: Satan wakes up after the Sabbath incident sooner than planned but Ryo isn’t going to give back complete control. Not understanding anything, yet understanding far too much, he desperately seeks out Akira, who is alive once more. Perhaps he can help them. At the very least, he needs to know what happened, and what has yet to come.Alternatively:Ryo tells on himself to a very confused Akira, and they start waxing philosophical while crying.





	It's Said that He Loves You

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, hopping onto another bandwagon. Now, obviously there will be religion discussed in this. I do not agree with everything the series did in terms of interpretation of biblical things, however I did find it fascinating and I’m not going to change any of it-- save for maybe a few things that the series left a little ambiguous. My intention is not to bash, distort, or otherwise offend any other religion, including the one/s taken up in the series, and I am by no means an expert in my own. I will just be sprinkling some of it in here, because… well, isn’t this the perfect fandom for doing that?
> 
> Oh, and I read the manga, I have no watched either series, however the anime reboot (which made me want to read it, so yay!) is all over Tumblr (and wiki), and I like some of the things they did with that one as well, so I've sort of mixed the two together in this. Any inconsistencies to the manga/anime half of the fandom are likely due to that.
> 
> (I should be doing school. I've got shit due on Monday. So what am I doing instead? Spending 24 solid hours writing this garbage. I hate myself)

**_Love does not exist._ **

_Had they truly said that at one point and believed it? Staring at the pale face of the only person they’d ever been capable of loving, it was difficult to believe such words had ever passed their lips. Of course love existed. It had to, because there was no other word that would explain the asphyxiating pain they felt in their chest as tears tore tracks down their glowing cheeks._

_Satan curled protectively around Akira’s face, which was so still, and still so perfect in their eyes, and paid no heed to the angels in the horizon coming to destroy them and everything they’d fought so valiantly for. It didn’t matter. Akira was gone, and they knew that when he no longer drew breath, the cycle would be complete. They would be forced to do it all over._

_Again._

_And again._

_And again._

_Satan choked on a sob and buried their face into Akira’s hair._

_“Akira, don’t leave me alone...”_

_Couldn’t he see they needed him? Despite everything they’d destroyed, they’d still given up their strongest demon… for him. They would’ve given up their whole army for him, if he’d only asked them to. So long as he’d remained at their side in the new world, they would've given anything. For when Akira was at their side, nothing could be wrong._

_But it never did turn out that way._

_If only he would wake up. If he opened his eyes, they were sure the cycle would change. They felt it as intensely as they felt the gaze of a million holy beings staring down at them._

_As nonsensical as it was, they cried out._

_“Akira..._ ”

“Akira!”

“ _Ak-_

**_"-ira!”_ **

He snapped upright, a bolt of lightning streaking past the window as a scream that seemed to shake the foundations of the Earth died in his throat. Unfamiliar heat behind his eyes blinded him and Ryo blinked rapidly to clear the tears that blurred his vision. His heart hammered so hard in his chest that he feared it would fly right out and he turned every which way, looking for those angels, for that endless sea, for Akira. All he saw was his room.

_So… this is the next cycle, then._

The thought made him flinch and wrap his arms protectively around himself. He understood clearly what that meant, but it still sent a tremor through him.

Yes, this was a new cycle. It had been for some time, he just hadn’t realized it. They were awake again. It felt sooner than it should have, though. Hadn’t they had Amon merge with Akira just a week ago? If so, they shouldn’t have been woken at all. It should’ve been at least another few years before he was aware of their true nature.

Ryo threw the covers off his legs, ignoring how violently his hands shook for favor of frowning when he realized he no longer had a broken leg. It was like all his injuries had healed completely in the few hours he’d been asleep.

They supposed that was to be expected. After all, minor fractures such as those were insignificant.

He nearly tripped over his feet as he went for the light as though the thought physically struck him. If it was possible, the panic that had taken a hold of him grew worse, and no matter how he tried to stop it, he could not. Because he didn’t know where that thought had come from. Injuries like that certainly _were not_ insignificant! It had hurt a hell of a lot. They didn’t know what they were talking about.

But… they knew everything now. They remembered. He remembered everything that happened to them. Everything that happened to…

“Akira!”

Akira was still alive. He was still getting used to Amon, he… he was still alive.

Satan stifled a sharp sob and pressed their hand over his mouth. Ryo startled when the door flew off its hinges without warning and his assistant burst into the room, her eyes wide and her mouth downturned for the first time since he’d met her.

Or… wait... Did it count if they could remember seeing it in a life she couldn’t recall?

“Lord Satan! You should not be awake yet.”

_Lord Satan?!_

Ryo stumbled back and caught himself on the edge of the bed. Being addressed by such a name sent a thrill of horror down his spine, but what had his shaking doubling in its intensity was the realization that the person he’d been living with and allowing to  _care for him_  was a demon. A powerful demon at that.

But they already knew that. They knew her. They had more power than her, and she would follow them into death-- and had on multiple occasions if their memory served correct.

There was no reason to be afraid of her either, for fear was such a small emotion in the grand scheme of things, and yet Ryo could not deny that fear was what coursed through his veins right then. It shouldn’t have though. They didn’t feel trivial things like fear, or sadness, or love. Those were human problems.

But wait… no, they did love. He’d felt it. They had thought not for a great deal of time, tried to deny it, but it was the truth. And they’d felt sadness, too-- sorrow, even.

Ryo remembered his dream -or perhaps memory was the more accurate way to describe it- once more and gasped quietly. His fear of Jenny suddenly melted away to be replaced by a strangely calm resolve. His tremors stilled and they drew themself up to full height. They saw Psychogenie's eyes track them and knew that even without the visible wings and added foot in height that they were an imposing figure to the demon, and that she had the utmost respect for them for that very reason. That hardly mattered to Ryo, though.

Akira. He needed Akira. They needed to see for themselves that he was still alive.

He took a deep breath and walked for the door that the demon still stood beside. He strode past her, and when her voice reverberated into his mind, taking a breath to inquire about their state, they stopped her.

“I am perfectly fine, Psychogenie. I’ll be back.”

They got into the elevator and Ryo allowed himself to breathe. He’d been half afraid that the demon would come after him despite their wishes. But… she’d stayed put. She’d listened to them, as they’d known she would.

Ryo shook his head, putting aside how powerful that made him feel and instead focused on how much he wanted the damn transport to get him to the ground floor already. Everything physical felt like it was happening at a slug’s pace while his mind whirled out of control with images that somehow belonged to him in a way that made his head ache.

When the elevator spit him into the garage he fumbled for his keys and got into the car. He couldn't focus on what he could see in his mind's eye just yet, but he was sure he could figure themself out on the drive to Akira’s. He had no idea what he’d do once he was there. Surely Akira would be curious to know why he’d showed up out of the blue, but what would he say. Akira would be pleased to see him, certainly-- he always did greet him with that ridiculously perfect smile of his when he graced him with his presence, but he would still want to know what the occasion was.

But… would Akira still smile at them once he found out who they were? Would he accept them this time around, or would he turn away as he always had? Would he grow angry? Perhaps he’d kill them.

Ryo’s knuckles turned white against the steering wheel and they asked themself why he had to tell Akira at all. He could continue letting him live in ignorance, at least until the moment from their memories came into play and he had no choice but to tell him. When they parted ways before the long war. They could leave him to think anything he did in fighting the demons made a difference, and could secure at least another year of happiness with him, and Akira would be none the wiser.

Ryo swallowed hard.

He couldn’t do that to Akira. They may have been able to pretend things were fine, but he couldn’t do it. The moment he’d remembered themself, they’d told Akira in person soon after, every single time. They could’ve kept it from him those times too, pretended to be on his side for as long as it took to win his love and loyalty, but Akira seemed to be the one person they had a difficult time lying to.

He had to tell Akira, no matter what the result. Hopefully Akira would be able to understand.

The drive felt simultaneously too long and too short, but suddenly Ryo found himself in front of the Makimuras’ door, rain pelting him from every angle and somehow making him feel as cold and lost on the outside as he did on the inside. He looked up at the sky, letting the water hit his face as he searched for the moon. It wasn’t visible behind the dark clouds crawling along the atmosphere.

It only occurred to him then that it was still fairly late into the night, and Akira stayed on the second floor, which meant knocking would do very little to grab his attention, but it  _would_ wake those in the home who he'd rather not interact with. They knew they could transform and fly up there with ease, but Ryo feared that if he did that he wouldn’t be able to change back. He wasn’t ready to be that much of themself just yet. However, he also didn’t want to disturb the family, since he most certainly didn’t want any of them hearing what he had to say.

Ryo dug into his pocket to fish out his cell and quickly located Akira in his contacts. The line rang five times before the devilman’s thick voice filtered through.

“Ng’ello? Ryo?”

Ryo knew he’d talked to Akira only two days ago, but after remembering everything it felt like they hadn’t heard his voice in years. They laughed past the lump in their throat and answered Akira before he had a chance to worry.

“Akira, I’m downstairs. Let me in.”

“Wh-- oh, okay.”

The line went dead and a harsh wind blew past and made him shiver. He pictured Akira running down the stairs, maybe taking two at a time, to reach him. It was rare that he came over to the Makimura’s to retrieve the devilman, so Akira probably would be worrying that something demonic was happening that needed immediate attention. Maybe, to an extent, he wouldn’t be wrong in thinking that.

The wait was agonizing, and when the door was thrown open Ryo’s breath caught in his throat as his eyes frantically traced the new but oh-so-familiar shape of Akira until they came to rest upon his face. His tired smile, his ridiculous bedhead, and his eyes, which were shining with _life_ and filled with concern for _him_.

“Hey, Ryo, what’re you doing here so-- _Oh!_ ”

They couldn’t have stopped themself from rushing into Akira if they’d wanted to-- which they certainly did not. The tremors had returned with gusto and they bit their tongue to hold in the relieved sob that was desperate to escape. Akira made a noise of confusion but returned the embrace slowly and that nearly broke them. He was so warm and solid in their arms and Satan took a second to bury their nose into his neck and breathe to steady themself. They had never had the chance to do this properly when Akira was alive, and it was something they always regretted.

Akira didn’t push them away or let go. In fact, he tightened his hold on them when he felt how hard they were shaking, although they could still feel the bewilderment coming off of him in waves. Satan tried to commit the moment to memory, fully aware that this could very well be their last chance to hold Akira while he still drew breath. They didn’t want to ever let go.

Ryo blinked slowly and forced himself to release the man. Akira cleared his throat. His cheeks were tinged pink, Ryo could see that even in the dim lighting.

“So, um, what are you doing here? Is something wrong?”

“No, its...” Ryo started, wanting to ease his mind but stopping when he realized that something was wrong. Maybe not in the sense Akira was thinking but…

“Wait, what happened to your cast?”

Akira sounded doubly concerned now, staring at their newly healed leg. He sighed and reached for the devilman’s hand without thinking about it. Akira stared for a moment but said nothing and Ryo led him into the house, then upstairs.

It was odd, being there with their memories. They’d rarely stepped foot into the building when they hadn’t been aware of who they were, but afterward it hadn’t even been an option in their mind. It was a dwelling for humans… Akira’s humans. Humans they'd caused the deaths of.

He closed the door to Akira’s room a little forcefully to drive those thoughts away and locked it for good measure. He doubted they would be interrupted this late at night, but he refused to take any chances.

“Ryo,” Akira spoke slowly, looking at him with concern, “what’s going on?”

Unease mixed with his relief and left Ryo feeling like he was going to pass out or be sick… or both. He closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. He had no idea where to start. What was going on was too much, and he hadn’t the faintest idea of what he should say first. Maybe if he could get his own brain sorted things would come more easily. It was difficult though, with old memories still swimming fresh in the forefront of his mind. It seemed the relief of seeing Akira had brought them all back, and he couldn’t ward them off this time.

He cringed and started when Akira touched his shoulder.

“Are you alright? You’re not hurt, are you?”

_Oh, Akira..._

Ryo shook his head to assure him that he wasn’t physically damaged in any way and opened his eyes while going to sit on the edge of the bed. That was somewhere he’d never been before, Akira’s bed. He’d always hoped to be there for reasons far different from this, but it seemed life was destined to always be cruel.

He sighed. Perhaps… it would be best if they started from the beginning. They could explain everything to Akira while he was alive. That would also be a first.

He looked up through his bangs and met his counterpart’s worried gaze.

“Akira, sit.”

He did, settling down right next to him. Ryo resisted the urge to grab for his hand. Satan did not. They kept their eyes firmly on the link between their bodies as they spoke.

“I need to tell you something, and I need you to be silent until I’m completely finished. Can you do that for me, Akira?”

“I… yeah, sure. Is it bad?”

They weren’t sure how to answer that, so Ryo settled for a soft, “It’s… not good.”

Akira squeezed his hand and Ryo honed in on the feeling of security, releasing a shaky breath before he started.

“This planet. Earth. It was built by my Father, the ones you humans call God. After creating it, He planted His seed. And from that day, countless lifeforms grew on Earth…”

* * *

His throat felt raw by the time he began reaching the end of his recounting of memories. Akira had pulled his hand away the moment they’d told him their true identity, but he still hadn’t tried to stop them from speaking. And even after they’d explained that they would be the death of him and everything he loved, Akira stayed and he listened.

Ryo hadn’t looked up once, but he could hear the telltale sniffles Akira kept trying to muffle and felt his chest constrict. Even if Akira had always been a crybaby, he hated being the one to cause him such distress.

Still, he soldiered on.

“And I didn’t mean for that all to happen-- well, you dying, anyway. I meant for humanity to be destroyed. But I… I thought it was the right thing to do! But… I don’t think it was. At least not completely. Part of me, even now, thinks it’s still a brilliant idea. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you know the truth and that I’m… I’m sorry, Akira.”

He clenched his fist and swallowed thickly. He could feel his eyes burning but he didn’t know why. What point was there in crying? Even if he wasn’t happy, he was not sad either. Mostly he was just scared. Akira still hadn’t said anything to him.

That fact sent a thrill of panic through him and Satan did look up then, forcing their trembling lips apart to hoarsely plea for Akira not to stay silent.

“Akira, say something.”

 _Anything. Say anything. Scream at me, rage into the night! Curse me, kill me, just please_ say something _!_

They desperately hoped everything he didn’t say still made it to the devilman’s ears, because their voice was trapped in their throat at that point, with the image of Akira’s lifeless eyes all they could see.

Akira brought a clawed hand up to wipe the tears from his narrowed eyes.

“Why?” His voice shook even as it reverberated through them. “Why would you tell me this, Ryo?”

He took a step closer to the bed and Ryo gripped the bed sheets at his side tightly. He had no idea what Akira was thinking, and but he was in his demon form and that was even more terrifying than he’d thought it could be. Before tonight he would have never considered that Akira might harm him. Before tonight he never would’ve thought he’d be okay with that.

That was alright though, because at least now, Akira knew the truth.

“I don’t know,” he admitted softly. “I just… didn’t want to lie to you. I only remembered all of this a few hours ago.”

“So… you’re Satan.”

It sounded so ridiculous when it was said out loud and Ryo couldn’t help but snort quietly. Even as he did that though, he felt an unfamiliar pride well up inside of him and they nodded.

“I am. But at the same time…” They frowned and Ryo shook his head. “At the same time, I’m still Ryo? I don’t understand it.”

Akira crossed his arms over his chest and bared his teeth in frustration. “That makes two of us.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, though they weren’t sure why.

“So does this-” Akira gestured to himself and then Ryo “-mean that I can expect the world to end any second?”

Ryo frowned and shook his head slowly. No, that couldn’t be the case, because at this point Akira hadn’t even fought Silene. Nothing truly went into motion until then. Although… perhaps their waking up so soon had changed the course of progression? They hoped not.

Akira clenched his fists and growled. “I’m sorry, Ryo, but I’m having trouble understanding this. You’re telling me you’re Satan, but you _forgot_? How do you just forget something like that?”

Ryo groaned, burying his face in his hands. He’d forgotten that part in the retelling of their story. Which was a touch amusing, seeing as it was an extremely important bit of information.

“I had Psychogenie lock my memories away so that I could fully experience a human life.”

“Psychogenie?”

“My assistant.”

Akira started nodding before his eyes went wide. “Wait, your assistant is a demon?!”

Satan rolled their eyes. He loved Akira but how had he not caught onto that fact with his new powers?

“Yes, she’s a demon. I think it’s safe to assume at this point that anyone even the least bit interesting is a demon. Come on, Akira, you’re partly demon. I hate to sound rude, but get with the program.”

“This isn’t funny, Ryo!”

“No, you’re right” he agreed, “It’s not.”

Akira took to pacing, grumbling unintelligible things under his breath while his tail flicked every which way. Ryo tracked his movements closely. Akira had not been reacting at all like they’d predicted he would based off of past experiences, and they weren’t sure what to make of it or how much they should trust it.

The two remained in that tense silence for several minutes, until Ryo felt restless and Akira leaned against the nearest wall with a hand over his face.

“Are you still going to destroy the humans?”

Satan felt like they should have been prepared to answer that. They weren’t. They sighed and looked into their lap. He didn’t know what they were going to do. He knew what he would do, but Ryo could feel himself dipping in and out of touch with reality and he wasn’t sure what he wanted mattered anymore.

Then he thought about every cycle from the past and he shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. As soon as Amon merged with you the plan was set into motion, and I can do nothing to stop it.”

He stared at his open palms, imagining a pale glow around them. It would be coming sooner than he would’ve wanted. Too soon, perhaps. And yet it also couldn’t come soon enough. They could taste victory on their tongue, even as he reminded themself that it would be nothing short of pyrrhic. He curled his fingers and tightened his jaw.

“Even now, I feel this intense urge to watch humanity burn. But… At the same time I don’t want that. Not at all. It’s… Terribly frightening.”

He opened his eyes in time to see Akira step forward with an intensity that was familiar and soothed his nerves.

“But things can turn out different this time, Ryo! You’re standing here telling me all of this, so that proves that you’re different, doesn’t it? We can change things.”

It would never cease to amaze them, how human hearts could change at the drop of a hat. A moment ago Akira had been angry with them, and now he had hope and determination shining in his eyes.

They couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Ha! No, Akira. All this proves is that Ryo hasn’t accepted who he is yet. Oh, this must be what you feel like. Because of what I made you do, you too are neither a monster nor a god, but you feel like both, don’t you?”

“... And neither.”

“Hm. I’m not so sure which one is supposed to be better.” He propped his elbows on his knees and sighed. “Just acknowledging that I’m not a human makes me sick. But at the same time, saying I am one is just as awful. It’s like… I’m awake but I don’t want to be.”

“That’s why you’re different, Ryo!” Akira knelt in front of him and Ryo blinked, surprise by how fearless he was when fifteen minutes ago he’d stood at the farthest end of the room so he didn’t have to look at them.

They frowned. “I’m not sure-”

“You may hate humanity but part of your own is still there.” Akira interrupted. “We can fix things before they get too bad! You could order the demons to stop. Don’t you realize that? Satan controls the demons, right? That’s how it goes according to the bible. And you’re saying you’re Satan-”

“ _Don't call_   _me that!_ ”

Not that name. He did not want to hear that name spoken by him. It sounded twisted and wrong coming from his mouth. To Akira he was Ryo. He’d always been Ryo and he wanted to remain Ryo to him for as long as possible. Hearing it said with the same flippancy Akira said anyone’s name made their skin tingle, as if hot flame had been quickly run over it. It was their name, and they were proud of it, but at the same time, coming from Akira it only burned and made them shrink back. That wasn’t who they were. They were the human friend, Ryo.

Akira jerked back, probably more out of shock over the sudden fire in their voice than actual fear.

He hardly noticed. Their mind was scrambling to right itself after being thrown so nicely through a loop.

“That name,” he started, thinking of a proper way to explain, “I prefer Ryo right now, Akira. I am Satan, yes, but… I don’t want to hear it right now.”

Akir’s posture relaxed after another second of tense silence and the man replied with a tight, “Alright.”

Ryo thought maybe he should apologize for their outburst, but then decided it wouldn’t be worth the effort. Akira probably wasn’t that offended by it anyway.

“But,” Akira said, his expression still stubbornly hopeful, “the point still stands. You could control them. You could stop the demons from killing the humans.”

He finally realized why he’d come and bothered to tell Akira anything, and that realization made his chest ache like somebody had punched all of the air out of his lungs. He gasped and stared at the devilman like it was the first time he’d truly seen him. Akira, who had the heart of a human, could think up things that were so simple and obvious to someone who cared about the fate of humanity, things that Ryo never would have been able to come up with on his own.

Of course that was the solution. To keeping Akira, to assuaging their remorse for a failed endeavor… all of it could be fixed if they just called off the attack!

But… who would listen?

Just like that the idea came crashing down around them and Ryo hunched his shoulders. Akira sighed heavily before even hearing his reply.

“Oh, Akira, I would. I would call them off, but they wouldn’t listen to me if I ordered them to stop. This is their world and I’ve already had them wait so long to take it back. And we’re so close.”

Akira looked like he was going to stand up and walk away and their hand shot out to hold him in place before he could think about what he was doing. He understood how that must have sounded, but he couldn’t let Akira leave before he too understood why they said what they said.

“Things always turn out the same way, Akira. Makimura always dies, because she is human. You… You always die because you never side with me. And I die alone, always, regretting what I’ve done _only_ because you couldn’t survive. I don’t think I would’ve regretted any of it if you had lived. You were the one who made me realize I was no better than the One I hate.”

Their voice dipped into a softer register towards the end of the confession, waiting for Akira to tear his arm away from them and order them to leave his home. In perfect Akira fashion, however, Ryo found himself startled once more by how wrong he could be about the devilman. Akira didn’t pull away. In fact, his eyes had grown softer, as if he understood perfectly and wasn’t at all upset.

It had to be a trick of the light, because not even Akira was that forgiving.

Or maybe… maybe it was this specific Akira, who had yet to be turned against him by betrayal and fear, and that was why he still trusted him so easily, despite knowing they were the literal “father of lies.”

Akira touched his knee and Ryo’s thoughts stopped wandering long enough to focus on what he was saying.

“But I know all of this now, so how could I turn against you? Ryo-”

“You will.”

The statement rang loudly in the room that suddenly felt too big. It was quickly chased by thunder outside. Akira’s hand didn’t move, even if his frown morphed into a glare. Ryo looked into his eyes, as if doing so could somehow make him see the truth in what they said.

“I told you, I expose you as a devilman in front of everyone while painting you and the rest of humanity as a monster. I sanction the genocide of all human life, and I enjoy every second of it. I feel no remorse for anything I do, because to me-- no, Satan. To Satan, it’s good. It’s what they want. You may think you won’t hate me right now, but when the time comes…” He stopped himself when he caught the tiniest hitch in his voice, steadying himself before finishing. “You always wish me dead.”

Akira scoffed and shook his head vehemently. “No.”

Ryo raised a brow. He wasn’t quite sure what that was supposed to mean. Was he truly in denial, even after everything had been laid out before him in black and white?

Akira grit his teeth and dug his nails into Ryo’s leg.

“I refuse to believe I have no say in anything I do. I don’t move to a script. Isn’t what’s happening right now proof enough of that? This never happens in any of your other memories, does it?”

They thought back and…

“... Not this specific moment, no.”

“See?” Akira grinned, all teeth and little real joy, “Things _can_ change.”

Ryo wished that were true. He didn’t think Akira was capable of fully realizing how much he wished that were true. But life didn’t work like that, and even if they didn’t follow a specific script, they always ended up in the same place.

“It hardly matters,” they sighed, “The plans will just be enacted upon sooner now that I’m awake. I’m sure Psychogenie is already informing the others of my arousal.”

Akira threw his arms out to his sides and Ryo smiled sadly. The gesture was one he’d seen often during their childhood together. He hadn’t seen Akira do that in such a long time. But then, it felt like they hadn’t seen Akira -truly seen him- in a long time, too.

“So what, that’s it?” Akira snapped, “The world ends, you betray me, I abandon you, everyone we love dies, and nobody gets any say in it? And we, what? Do it all over again in a few million years? Is that what you’re saying?”

Ryo nodded. He didn’t want to, but what Akira said rang true in the numerous pasts. “We don’t move to a solid script, but the play begins and ends the same way always, no matter the cast.”

Akira dragged his hand down his face.

“Then why bother telling me any of this at all, Ryo?”

“Heh… I don’t know. Perhaps I’m trying something new, something that will keep you alive this time.”

They’d tried so many different routes to do so. So many nights attempting to come up with a way to keep Akira alive, even while all others fell to their demon army. None of them ever worked, no matter how much they wanted them to. Even when the plans seemed flawless, Akira still died. This time, however, it didn’t feel like they had any plan whatsoever. He wasn’t sure how they’d woken up, considering Jenny hadn’t sanctioned it, if her shocked reaction had been anything to go off of.

“I woke myself up too early, I think. I know myself, but I’m not myself. Not quite, anyway. I feel like two entities are warring for my soul, and yet it’s just me. There’s nobody to really fight against, but it feels as if I’m being stretched too thin by invisible claws.”

“I know what that feels like.”

He looked down to where Akira had come back to sit in front of him and tried to unsee the sharp teeth and claws that Akira had never really asked for. Of course he understood. He was a pure-hearted human who’d had a brutal, cruel, sadistic soul shoved into him, mutilating him from the inside out. He could control it, but only to a certain extent… and Amon had certainly changed him. Akira didn’t seem too bothered by any of that, but even so, the fact that he could understand even a fraction of what Ryo was saying was too much.

He hated that he’d done something so awful to the person he loved, but they were so relieved that it was the one thing that worked out every time, because a life without Akira was worse than a life where Akira hated them. And that was so selfish of him, wasn’t it? To force that sort of lifestyle onto him because he loved him too much to let him go…

It was cruel.

He didn’t notice he’d started crying until a drop splashed onto his knuckles. Ryo curled in on himself and bit his lip to keep silent in his misery. He may have been in pain, but he still didn’t want Akira to see, because that would mean Akira would get upset too. He always cried when others did. Ryo couldn’t comprehend that level of empathy, nor did he deserve it.

Akira was too good for a world so terrible and Ryo wished he could go against the flow of time and tell their past self to let their plans go, because challenging God was not worth losing Akira over.

It wasn’t fair by any measure.

So Satan had ruined their own life, their pride and wickedness too much for even the Creator to bear, but why did Ryo have to suffer as a result? Why did Akira have to go through so much torment only to lose everything because of the choices of one fallen angel?

Akira taking in a sharp breath pulled him from his own loathsome thoughts and Ryo looked up to see the man’s glassy eyes and tear streaked face.

“Why is this happening?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? Why did any of this ever happen? Why was it fed in an infinite loop? They hated that they knew the answer.

“He’s punishing me.” Their voice wavered and they wished Akira would come over and hold them. He didn’t, as they knew he wouldn’t, and they continued, momentarily uncaring if they sounded distressed.

“He’s punishing me, and He’s never going to stop.”

“But who? Why?” Akira pressed his palms into his eyes to try and stop the tears and Ryo couldn’t help but smile. The expression felt painful on his face and it dissolved as soon as it appeared.

“God. He hates me, Akira. He hates me so much…” Ryo broke off with a sniffle just as Akira spoke.

“Wait, but…” He trailed off, like he’d thought better of his choice to speak too late, but it was enough to interest him and Ryo looked up, expectant.

“But what?”

Akira stood up once more and went back to pacing, agitation making his tail whip the floor loudly as he scratched the back of his neck.

“I mean, I don’t know a ton about the bible, but Miki’s read it, and I always thought that God didn’t hate Satan. He never did.”

Satan felt like after hundreds of resets, Akira finally managed to land a solid punch right into their stomach when a gasp went through their entire being. Why would he say that? Where did he get that idea?

Akira had to have seen the expression of bewilderment on their face, because he shook his head and quickly moved on.

“I mean, he was God’s ‘son of the morning’, or something, and… casting you out hurt him more than anything, because of how much He loved you. But He had to throw you out, because your pride became too much, and you challenged and defiled everything He’d made to be good, because you thought you knew better. That’s how Miki and I always read it, anyway.” He shrugged.  “The bible never says anything about Him hating you, I don’t think. Not even when He has to destroy the world because of you. He still loves you even then, I’m pretty sure. He’s just… He’s like a dad, isn’t he? And He’s disappointed in Satan… and He’s sad.”

When Akira stopped walking he’d shifted back into his fully human body and he was staring down at him with the widest, most concerned eyes, and the sob that had been building up inside Ryo finally forced its way out.

No. No... _Nononono!_ That wasn’t true. How could it be?

Ryo wrapped his arms around themself and dropped his forehead to his knees as he convulsed under the weight of his grief.

Akira… what he’d said made sense to him, but they couldn’t bear to consider it. It couldn’t be true, because if it was, everything that ever happened to them hurt doubly. Even so, the memories of the past suddenly felt like hands that were much too warm wrapping around them, crushing them, because the cycling had always made sense to an extent, but they’d never understood why their Father didn’t just smite them and be done with it. It was so much better to believe God hated them.

Akira’s words dug into him, clawing his his soul and Ryo keened. All of Satan’s pain and distress flowed into him and he tried not to acknowledge the fact that all of those feelings were, in reality his own. They knew what Akira said was, to some extent, truth, and that only made him want to hate God even more. Because...

“How can He love me but keep _doing this_ to me? Wasn’t _casting me out_ _enough?!_ ”

If his scream didn’t wake the entire household Ryo would’ve been surprised. The storm outside raged on, water slamming into the glass as thunder shook the very foundations of the building. The mood remained hidden. It felt almost symbolic in the moment and Ryo focused on that to steady his breathing as much as possible. He could hear Akira take his own deep breath as if he was preparing to dive into cold water. And maybe he was.

“I mean… He didn’t take everything away from you until you tried to destroy humanity, right?”

While he hadn’t been expecting an answer to his agonized cry, he wasn’t surprised that Akira gave one. And Ryo knew exactly what he was getting at, but that didn’t stop him from turning his head to stare up at the devilman through wet bangs. “What are you saying?”

Akira had his arms crossed once more and he tapped his bicep, looking like he was working to gather his thoughts so he could string them together correctly.

“I’m saying… God created humans, even if the demons were here first-- God created humans to live here. So… You’re destroying something he made and probably loves. Maybe killing the Earth is another way of casting you out, but… the do-overs are a second chance? You know, a chance for you to wake up and make the right choice, like what you’re doing now. I mean, again, I don’t really know the bible, but I’ve been living with here long enough that… well Miki says God is very forgiving. Isn’t He? Maybe He’s trying to help you, but you won’t let him.”

Ryo felt like they were going to be sick all over Akira’s floor. The idea that their Father would go so far as to try and forgive _them_ after everything… it wasn’t possible. It made their blood boil, because didn’t God know all? Did He not see that they were beyond His forgiveness? That they had no use for it?

And yet, Ryo had use for it. Akira too.

“I can’t believe I understand any of that, and I hate that even while I want to agree with you part of me wants to decimate humans solely because it would upset Him.”

“So you’d kill me for the sake of making God mad?” Akira’s nose scrunched up and even if it was an unhappy expression, he somehow made it look cute. Ryo banished that thought as soon as they had it. Now was definitely not the time for that. If Akira only knew what went on inside their head… he would’ve killed him sooner.

Still, the implications that they could ever sacrifice Akira for their own personal revenge shot a guilty nausea through them. Had they not proven on multiple occasions that even when the rest of the world turned against Akira, they would remain by his side?

“No!” He stood up abruptly but kept his hands on his chest so Akira didn’t think he was going to try anything, since apparently he still thought them capable of hurting him when they didn’t have to. “No, Akira, that’s the one thing I keep trying to change with every cycle! Even when everyone else dies I want you to live. I… I need you alive, Akira, but you never stay by my side. You…”

They swallowed the lump in his throat and forced him to finish. “You love the humans more than you love me.”

The look on Akira’s face would’ve made Ryo think someone had just attacked his humans. His mouth hung open and he stared in open disbelief and… something else, and Ryo didn’t know whether or not he should prepare himself to be driven out of the home. He supposed he couldn’t blame Akira if that’s what he chose to do. He _had_ just admitted that, along with being the harbinger of death to the human race, he was also in love with him. It was not every day that Akira had so much thrust upon him.

“Ryo.” His voice was steel and the angel looked at the floor and grit their teeth, waiting for the fallout that had yet to come out of all this. “I merged with a demon because you asked me to. I’m standing here listening to you tell me you’re Satan, whose destined to ruin me and everyone else, and I’m trying to help you instead of rip you to shreds. How can you say I love _anyone_ more than you?”

_Wait. What?_

Ryo looked up and gasped softly seeing Akira’s eyes were once again filled with tears. Tears that were… for them. Not for the grief he felt over knowing the fate of humans, not for the loss of his friends, but for them. The fallen angel with nowhere to go. No home. No family. No true people. Nobody.

Nobody but Akira, in this one cycle, with this one moment that deviated from the rest that _could_ change the course of everything, but would likely change nothing. But he wanted it to. It ripped them apart inside and Satan shook their head as more salt water painted trails in their skin.

“Akira, I…” Ryo choked on the weight of his words. “I don’t want this life to end. I’m… I’m afraid I won’t get another. Not like this one.”

Akira finally came close enough to touch, and Ryo shuddered when his hands found placeholders on their shoulders. They stared straight into Akira’s burning eyes and felt strengthened by the pride they found there.

“Then fight for this one.”

Ryo licked his lips and blinked so he could focus on the devilman without blurred vision. Akira still didn’t understand the enormity of that request. It would go against everything they’d ever done, everything they believed in, and he knew the demons would never accept the order to allow the humans to live. Earth was their planet and the humans had defiled it.

Excluding that problem, there was still the issue of him not being able to grasp one solid consciousness. Even now, after getting the memories sorted and out in the open they felt fragmented, like waking up early left some of Ryo inside of them. Ryo felt the same way, and it was an uncomfortable sensation.

The demons wouldn’t listen to someone who was only half of their true self.

“I can’t, Akira.”

The grip on his shoulders tightened to something painful and Ryo winced even as they craved to be closer to that feeling. Because Akira was still there, still able to hurt him, and that was good. Maybe it could even be enough to solidify the resolve they could already feel building up inside.

“They call you ‘Lord Satan,’ you said so yourself. You can _make_ them do whatever you want, I know you can. So call them off! Or at least do what you can to try. Don’t say you can’t before you even give it a go. If you want to stay here with me, you have to _fight_ for the right to be here!”

If Ryo hadn’t woken the household before, he was sure Akira had just then. He’d also bruised his arms, the intensity of his speech reaching out into his grip. That was fine, though. They’d heal. That fact was somewhat disappointing, as he found they wanted those bruises there forever, because they’d been put there by Akira.

Satan would do anything to keep alive anything that had to do with Akira, and Ryo found he would too. 

Even as everything in them told him it would be futile to try, Akira’s pushing made him want to do it. Even if it was just to ease the devilman’s mind, it would give him reason to trust them more. Maybe it would be enough to keep Akira by his side forever. And who knew, perhaps he was right; perhaps God was giving them a chance. Maybe not a chance to redeem themself -which was something Ryo knew was impossible in every conceivable timeline-, but maybe it was a chance to do the right thing after eons of wrong.

Maybe, if they did this, Akira would stay with them even when humanity fell to the demon hordes. Maybe he would side with them if Ryo pushed hard enough. If Akira could understand the original Earth dwellers were not going to give up, maybe he would finally see that there was no point in siding with humanity at all.

Maybe this time everything could turn out alright.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” he said, relishing the surprise in Akira’s eyes. He hadn’t been expecting them to say yes.

“Thank you, Ryo-”

“On one condition.” Ryo held up a finger to halt his gratitude. “You have to go with me when I talk to them.”

The smile that broke out on Akira’s face was breathtaking. Ryo didn’t know if he’d ever seen that sort of happiness on the man’s face. The kind that made him look like he was made of light, even in the darkness of the room.

“Thank you, Ryo.”

When Akira drew him into his arms Ryo clung tightly to his back, burying his face against his chest and wishing there was a way to merge with the feeling of Akira all around them. If there was anything they could do to ensure Akira would always remain that close, Ryo would do it, even if it meant making a fool of himself in front of the creatures that had grown to respect him as a god.

When he felt Akira press a kiss into the slowly drying curls atop his head Ryo grinned, the expression feeling good and unburdened for the first time in… possibly ever.

Yes, if there was even the slimmest chance that conversing with the demons could permanently win them Akira’s heart, they would happily do it. Ryo would go to the ends of the Earth and risk as many lives as needed in order to keep Akira near.

And if his memory served correctly, they had.

**Author's Note:**

> Yup... there it is. This is not going to get another installment (unless I'm suddenly struck with inspiration to last at least 10 chapters, which is highly unlikely), and is probably my first and last fic for this fandom for awhile. 
> 
> I wanted to leave an open ending much like the series' do. Whether Ryo and Akira succeed in the plan is up to interpretation. Feel free to tell me what you think would/should happen, or just shoot me a comment letting me know how you felt about the fic in general.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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